Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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