Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
