Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
