Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Vodka?
Forever.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
