Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
