It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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