That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
