Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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