Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
