A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Your cock deserves a montage
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
