Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
