I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
