Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
