Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
