I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
