Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
