Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
