Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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