Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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