omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
