just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
