I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
