so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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