my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
