Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
