I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
