also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
