margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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