She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize