It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
