Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
