Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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