I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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