Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
