we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
COCAINE IS GR8
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
