Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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