i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
