woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
