I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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