I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
