There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
