My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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