I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize