You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
