if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
