I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
MIDGETS
????
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
