There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I don't deserve a penis
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize