Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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