is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
