paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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