She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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