I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
