Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
