I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
