PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
