I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
