I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
