I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
