Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
