I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just found puke in my bra..
So many bounce houses so little time
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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