When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
