my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize