maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
