That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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