She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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