You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
