i barfeds in our rink
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
