My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
