Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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