I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
