Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
