The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
