sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
