My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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